My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
