I can text with my tongue
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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