how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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