i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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