I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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