that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
