you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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