I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
