it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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