So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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