He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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