i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
