How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
