Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
