We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
