Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
