So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
