I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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