who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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