It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
