I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
