Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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