I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
