Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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