Michael Bay diarrhea
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
