Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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