So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
