shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
