put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i think i just lost a toe
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
