he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
