The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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