Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
