mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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