just come out here and I will go home with you...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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