my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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