Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
