well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
