ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
