I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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