our cab driver is having phone sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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