when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
