so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
