Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
