I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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