your room smells of hookers.
And success
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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