went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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