chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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