I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
