The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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