What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
