So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
