Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
